Sunday, August 25, 2013
cactus, photograph, criminal, draw, chirp
The tumbleweed blew across the trail. It was the only movement around. It ran into a cactus and once again everything was as still as a photo. Sheriff Tim had his hand on his holster, a mirror image of the famous criminal standing across from him. The only sound was the chirp of crickets and various other desert insects until suddenly
It was over in a moment the criminal was dead.
Tim did a little dance. He was victorious. He would get to live another day to kill more criminals. Crime doesn’t pay.
I really liked this exercise. I always enjoy having a jumping off point. Immediately when I saw my words, I thought of a spaghetti western. I love spaghetti westerns, so I pictured the classic scene where the bad guy/criminal and the good guy/sheriff are standing across from each other and duel.
The group who added to my story added a bit of humor. I thought my scene was pretty serious, but then again it was pretty cliché which maybe made them think it was funny. In the end I don’t think their additions really kept with my tone. I think that was the hardest part of the exercise, keeping the tone of the original author.
I also had a hard time writing under pressure. I don’t like how choppy my writing ended up, but that is typically how I start off my writing, just getting ideas onto paper. I decided to re-write it so that it would flow a little better:
The only thing moving around them was the tumbleweed blowing across the trail. It passed between them and got caught on some pear cacti, and everything was still again. Sheriff Tim had one hand hovering over his holster; in his other hand was a Wanted Poster with a photograph resembling the man standing across from him. The man also had a hand hovering over his own holster. It was quiet except for the chirp of the cicadas and other various desert insects until suddenly:
It was over in a moment. The gun shot was echoing along the valley. Justice was served. The criminal was dead.